If it’s going to be, it is up to me!

Are you too nice for your own good? Do you find yourself saying “yes” to too many people and activities?

I find this issue comes up quite frequently. Do you find yourself saying “yes” to too many people and activities? This results in you overextending yourself. Your intention is to be a good person, make the other person happy and gain their approval.

The reality is that you spread yourself too thin and end up not performing at the level you truly want to because you’re tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, feeling pulled in too many directions etc.

Ironically, the people nearest and dearest to your heart are those who often are most negatively impacted by your inability to say “No” and take better care of yourself. Often, I hear people complain that their loved ones should be more understanding, supportive and helpful. I hear such comments as, “Don’t they see how busy I am?”, “If only they would help me out more!” Frustration, anger and resentment often builds up towards loved ones, rather, than seeing the reality of the situation. One’s failure to identify the pattern of people pleasing that leads to overextending oneself that negatively impacts your closest relationships and your physical and mental health.

Your first commitment needs to be to yourself. Commit to liking and pleasing yourself rather than seeking the approval of others. Only you truly know what it feels like to live in your body and mind. You are responsible to care for your own wellbeing. (Of course if you have dependents you also are responsible for them). As you take care of yourself you are in a better mood and have more to freely give to others.

When you overextend yourself and break that commitment, you pay the price of confusion, exhaustion, loss of self-trust, loss of self-respect, and possible loss of your loved ones trust that they can count on you to set boundaries with others, so you have energy for yourself and them.

Remember, to commit to yourself and take your health seriously. Stop stressing yourself out by overextending yourself. Only make agreements you plan to keep. Write them down and renegotiate them when necessary even if you’re afraid that some others might not like it. The great payoff in this is that you will begin to trust your own intuition, heart, and mind. You will feel more connected to yourself, less pressed for time, which will allow you to be more present for the people and things you truly care about. You will be living your life and in line with your deepest values.

Know that it is impossible to please others all the time. Let go of this expectation and focus in on being your own best advocate and protective of your time and energy. This is the beginning of valuing and taking responsibility for your own life.

“If it’s going to be, it is up to me!”

Wishing you health, happiness and prosperity,

Isobel